Good morning, Employer.
Welcome back to the world's most ethically questionable Pal management platform.
??
WORKFORCE NOTICE:
One of your Pals has requested a "weekend".
HR is currently investigating what this means.
Total Employees
47
? +3 this week
Productivity
184%
? Extremely healthy
Employee Morale
3%
? Within acceptable limits
Cake Production
842
? Please stop making cake
Current Workforce
LIVE MONITORING
??
Lamball #0842
Wool Production Specialist
Working
??
Pengullet #019
Cooling Department
Working
??
Cattiva #013
Mining & General Suffering
Overachiever
??
Lifmunk #221
Medical Department
Questioning life
??
Foxparks #666
Furnace Operations
?? Perfect
Employee of the Month
SEPTEMBER 2026
??
Lamball
Employee #0842
"I have been spinning wool for
26 consecutive hours."
— Lamball
— Lamball
?? Recently Submitted HR Complaints
0 RESOLVED
Cattiva #013
"I would like to know what a day off is."
Pengullet #019
"I have been assigned to the freezer. I am already cold."
Lamball #0842
"The cake factory never stops."
Lifmunk #221
"Who is 'HR' and why do they keep saying 'productivity'?"